Livin Your Best Life

First topic message reminder :

“Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.”

—Robert Frost - “Nothing Gold Can Stay”

VII: OF THE OFFICE OF THE ANTHEM

The PRIEST:

Thou who art I, beyond all I am,
Who hast no nature and no name,
Who art, when all but thou are gone,
Thou, centre and secret of the Sun,
Thou, hidden spring of all things known
And unknown, Thou aloof, alone,
Thou, the true fire within the reed
Brooding and breeding, source and seed
Of life, love, liberty, and light,
Thou beyond speech and beyond sight,
Thee I invoke, my faint fresh fire
Kindling as mine intents aspire.
Thee I invoke, abiding one,
Thee, centre and secret of the Sun,
And that most holy mystery
Of which the vehicle am I.
Appear, most awful and most mild,
As it is lawful, in thy child!

The CHORUS:

For of the Father and the Son
The Holy Spirit is the norm;
Male-female, quintessential, one,
Man-being veiled in woman-form.
Glory and worship in the highest,
Thou Dove, mankind that deifiest,
Being that race, most royally run
To spring sunshine through winter storm.
Glory and worship be to Thee,
Sap of the world-ash, wonder-tree!

https://www.sacred-texts.com/oto/lib15.htm

Philosophy and Mysticism - https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.190986/page/n1/mode/2up

A CRITICAL HISTORY OF GREEK PHILOSOPHY - https://www.gutenberg.org/files/33411/33411-h/33411-h.htm

Philosophy of Mysticism - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1438461186/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1

The Varieties of Religious Experience: A Study in Human Nature by William James - https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/621

Phenomenology and Mysticism - https://archive.org/details/PhenomenologyAndMysticismBySteinbock

I'll be signing off for awhile...

I'll end for now saying the enquiry is worthwhile.

I'll believe it when I see it.

Would you like to retort Smelly!?

Are You getting married?

hobbit

hobbit wrote:Are You getting married?

hobbit

For he who understands...beautiful beautiful song.

Everyone is talking...the can’t say anything and it frustrates them.

Stick to your principles, even if you stand alone.

Self integrity is the only real measure of one’s quality.

And all you have really is your quality.

Don’t be afraid to dance with monsters.



They can find da groove.

I had a nice chat with the Queen of Cups last night and then I almost died.

I thought, this is it, I’m going to leave my body.

I’m really going to die right now.

But it seems I recovered.

I’m thankful for my breath.

But I was ready to go.

I just was like, awww shit, I really am goin a miss my woman and my dogs.

The rest I didn’t seem to care about.

Treasure this.

You can come to a point where silence is all that remains.

What is there really to say?

When you realize you can move no one and don’t need to, you begin to relax and enjoy being.

As I was sitting in the ambulance last night, which I am still shaken by, having trouble breathing, heart racing 180 beats a minute and not stopping, I was scared.

Some firefighters showed up to help the ambulance I pulled over on the way to the hospital.

I jumped out of my car and almost collapsed in front of them.

I was yelling Help, please help, I’m not doing well.

Then all of a sudden, I was surrounded by help.

As they were sticking me and talking to me, I had the odd experience of not remembering my address.

That alone terrified me.

Was I losing my mind?

Not now I begged.

Why would I want to remain in such a fucked up world?

But I did want to be here, with all my heart I did.

I felt like passing out, but said to myself, if you do, you might not come back.

So I willed myself awake.

I tightened up my muscles like a jet fighter pilot pulling heavy Gs and with rapid breathes forced the blood back into my head.

I was pulling some heavy Gs.

I was heading toward the ground.

Slowly, my heart rate dropped, a little hope crept back into my fuzzy mind.

Hold on I said, hold on, breathe, relax.

I watched it all happening like a spectator.

I said to myself, this might be it Eric, but let’s fight for this I said to myself.

Don’t fail me now I begged my body.

Almost saying it out loud.

Earlier, I let my wife know I’d never felt like this and she should know how much I love her and the dogs and how this might be very serious.

I am not attempting to embellish anything.

Last night I thought I was dying.

For all my talk to date, I was scared and felt very mortal and small.

I had just been talking to my wife that day at how amazing our life seemed to be going while many feared the happenings afoot.

I had noticed my mind’s relationship to my body and spoken to her of the power of the body and it’s will.

I felt like I was working with myself now, not against.

And commented how I felt the mind to be what I had been touching so deeply or been so deeply touched by.

And it felt like a traveler to me.

I felt myself to be a traveler sharing time with my body.

Strange thing to talk about earlier in the day.

How we bring the body under our will or find a detente rather.

How it resists sometimes and kicks us like a mule.

For some don’t take the bit well.

But still, something maybe not mortal burned in me with an intensity I had rarely felt.

I wasn’t scared of dying, and that’s when my heart rate began to drop, but I was scared of losing contact with what I loved.

I was like a wild animal screaming inside, no, please don’t take me away from them!

I felt alone, but I knew others would experience my death in their way too.

Smelly goat felt how much he was deeply deeply loved.

Most in public can’t stand the smell, fools all, but for the ones who can see through me, there is a love I am not worthy of that surrounds me coming forth from them for me.

I do my best to be worthy of that love.

A love that I owe much to in my life.

A harsh and gentle hand at times, by no means passive or inanimate, participatory and dare I say, personal.

...next day...

This evening I had that compulsion to search for something related to my studies again as I was relaxing and resting.

I came across a woman by fate or chance, Elaine Pagels.

She is an academic I knew nothing about, but I had been influenced by her work about the Gnostic Gospels ironically.

The Gnostic Jesus is the one who I met as a child.

The Jesus I met as a child, inside me, taught me this Gnostic way.

More and more I appreciate those crazy Gnostics.

The article was interesting about her, from the 90s.

She had experienced great loss and then written a book about Satan.

A fabricated enemy, the best enemy maybe we could have.

The love of her life of 20 years died at 49.

He fell off a mountain, a well known physicist who studied chaos and complexity, tragic but absurdly comical to me and I would say enlightening.

She had lost a child previously and was now a widow and mother of young children.

Where just before sky was the limit for her and husband.

I am 49 and to read her story was an experience.

I of course took it as direct contact by mind.

We live with a heritage of demonization in the west.

An epic battle of good and evil.

Everyone is affected by this cultural unconscious meme religious or not.

Have you ever looked into evil?

And good?

Ones who preach about the evil in the world and how it must be countered miss the point of Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas.

I’ve been having a bit of fun going through Gnostic texts, strange pagan documents part of the Nag Hamadhi scrolls.

Being an ex-Christian, I have looked into their secret chaotic past.

As a boy, the Jesus I met was the Jesus of Thomas.

There was no Othodoxy or demonization of others in my heart and faith.

I rejected all that nonsense when I was a boy.

I knew better at 10.

I had more knowledge than the pastors at times.

I was a bit of a radical.

I was often looking into things I was not supposed to.

Ultimately that search went into myself.

In the Gospel of Thomas, now one of my favorite passages, Jesus says,

‘If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.’

This is something I have known intuitively since childhood.

Well muppets, that bore out to be true for myself.

The work is yours and yours alone.

The evil is not our there, it is within us and that’s where one should be focused.

You can come to a place where you feel an invisible hand at work.

The daimon possessed are seen to be from hell.

Many artists and literates have learned the devil throws the best parties.

Ironically I had stuck to the heart of the Gnostic faith as a child naturally.

Anyway, my attention is within.

I’m grateful to be breathing.

It’s wonderful even.

But it could stop any moment.

If you realize death is not an end it seems less scary.

But it will be your end.

Do I love my fate?

Yes.

But I am not fated to die, I will live, at least for today.

Live the fuck out of your life is all can say.

Smile like you fucking god damn mean it.

Then, from here, look out again upon the collective sense world and you may find it seems a little smaller.

I have always been terrified of the dark.

Ironic now that it is that darkness where I must abide.

This unknown country is knowable it seems.

And that brings a deep joy.

And yes, then you die.

My words may seem extreme, but life ain’t for wimps.

It continues to amaze and terrify me.

I don’t have anything clocked, but neither does anyone else really.

We are learning to breathe at depth is all.

Here we are on this ship of fools and children.

Heading toward unknown waters.

**gulp**

I don’t know if we can fit captain!

Better get the sawzalls out.

The mystic world is one of symbols and animals, elements and their atoms talking to you in weird ways.

It is not rational or irrational, it just is.

If one so chooses, they can see every moment symbolically.

And one can make a ritual of life’s act.

A ritual where you participate with what is happening.

Where you suspend belief and judgment.

Where you can walk in eden as we once did.

Knowing the order of things.

It isn’t an easy kind of life to live at all.

Difficult to integrate.

It takes maturity and stability and elasticity.

One is drawn into it more than chooses it.

Here is to the freak and outcast.

To the scapegoat and wanderer.

There is a reason we have been drawn away into ourselves.

It isn’t for everything else.

I don’t want to say what I feel this is.

No one can know my life but me, same of everyone else.

I don’t care about the mass psychosis.

I don’t care about politics or ufos even.

I don’t care about much beyond my small little world.

It is small and very beautiful and rich.

I don’t know how much more time I have here.

But I know I have been given a precious gift

One I will not squander.

Nothing can compare to the joy of being here now.

Nothing.

They all seem like ants to me.

Lost in a flood.

It is inevitable that many will lose their minds and lives and almost 1/3 have so far.

All 7 or 8 billion of us alive now will die.

That’s a lot of dying.

And the countless trillions of life forms who will live and die with us.

That is not cause for fear or celebration, but it is sobering and focusing.

Perhaps my vaccine is doing its work

Now or 50 years more doesn’t really matter in the end.

But my mind is sharpening and opening led by my heart.

I can’t know anyone else really and no one can really know me.

We are still too far away from it to see each other naturally.

I walk alone.

But I am surrounded by the greatest love.

That is the source of my joy.

And I think I won my life finding it.

And I think I honor it all by living faithfully for this.

No one or event can deter me from that banquet.

I see my place at the table.

I see myself standing on that wall I was once thrown from.

Cast down into the earth.

This is a beautiful 10,000 year epic poem.

I would call this poem...

Light up the Darkness

Maybe I have a verse or two yet to add.

If you have read me all these years on OMF, I wanted nothing from anyone.

Thanks for the space and laughs.

I am an ass and a fool, proud to be.

I do hope I frustrated the plans of evil muppets a little, but likely not.

I didn’t come looking for answers.

I came to share.

I came to share what I found in the darkness.

What found me.

I came looking for a human being.

Hey, that’s me!

And I am not afraid of the dark so much anymore.

It still can scare the shit out of me.

I have tried to be naked and brutally honest with myself and others here and demand the same from them.

Most didn’t get the message, so hanging up the phone now.

It’s been epic.

One begins in unreality, but you can move into reality.

THE THUNDER, PERFECT MIND

Translated by George W. MacRae

I was sent forth from the power,
and I have come to those who reflect upon me,
and I have been found among those who seek after me.
Look upon me, you who reflect upon me,
and you hearers, hear me.
You who are waiting for me, take me to yourselves.
And do not banish me from your sight.
And do not make your voice hate me, nor your hearing.
Do not be ignorant of me anywhere or any time. Be on your guard!
Do not be ignorant of me.
For I am the first and the last.
I am the honored one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin.
I am and the daughter.
I am the members of my mother.
I am the barren one
and many are her sons.
I am she whose wedding is great,
and I have not taken a husband.
I am the midwife and she who does not bear.
I am the solace of my labor pains.
I am the bride and the bridegroom,
and it is my husband who begot me.
I am the mother of my father
and the sister of my husband
and he is my offspring.
I am the slave of him who prepared me.
I am the ruler of my offspring.
But he is the one who begot me before the time on a birthday.
And he is my offspring in (due) time,
and my power is from him.
I am the staff of his power in his youth,
and he is the rod of my old age.
And whatever he wills happens to me.
I am the silence that is incomprehensible
and the idea whose remembrance is frequent.
I am the voice whose sound is manifold
and the word whose appearance is multiple.
I am the utterance of my name.

Why, you who hate me, do you love me,
and hate those who love me?
You who deny me, confess me,
and you who confess me, deny me.
You who tell the truth about me, lie about me,
and you who have lied about me, tell the truth about me.
You who know me, be ignorant of me,
and those who have not known me, let them know me.
For I am knowledge and ignorance.
I am shame and boldness.
I am shameless; I am ashamed.
I am strength and I am fear.
I am war and peace.
Give heed to me.
I am the one who is disgraced and the great one.
Give heed to my poverty and my wealth.
Do not be arrogant to me when I am cast out upon the earth,
and you will find me in those that are to come.
And do not look upon me on the dung-heap
nor go and leave me cast out,
and you will find me in the kingdoms.
And do not look upon me when I am cast out among those who
are disgraced and in the least places,
nor laugh at me.
And do not cast me out among those who are slain in violence.
But I, I am compassionate and I am cruel.
Be on your guard!
Do not hate my obedience
and do not love my self-control.
In my weakness, do not forsake me,
and do not be afraid of my power.
For why do you despise my fear
and curse my pride?
But I am she who exists in all fears
and strength in trembling.
I am she who is weak,
and I am well in a pleasant place.
I am senseless and I am wise.
Why have you hated me in your counsels?
For I shall be silent among those who are silent,
and I shall appear and speak,
Why then have you hated me, you Greeks?
Because I am a barbarian among the barbarians?
For I am the wisdom of the Greeks
and the knowledge of the barbarians.
I am the judgement of the Greeks and of the barbarians.
I am the one whose image is great in Egypt
and the one who has no image among the barbarians.
I am the one who has been hated everywhere
and who has been loved everywhere.
I am the one whom they call Life,
and you have called Death.
I am the one whom they call Law,
and you have called Lawlessness.
I am the one whom you have pursued,
and I am the one whom you have seized.
I am the one whom you have scattered,
and you have gathered me together.
I am the one before whom you have been ashamed,
and you have been shameless to me.
I am she who does not keep festival,
and I am she whose festivals are many.
I, I am godless,
and I am the one whose God is great.
I am the one whom you have reflected upon,
and you have scorned me.
I am unlearned,
and they learn from me.
I am the one that you have despised,
and you reflect upon me.
I am the one whom you have hidden from,
and you appear to me.
But whenever you hide yourselves,
I myself will appear.
For whenever you appear,
I myself will hide from you.
Those who have [...] to it [...] senselessly [...].
Take me [... understanding] from grief.
and take me to yourselves from understanding and grief.
And take me to yourselves from places that are ugly and in ruin,
and rob from those which are good even though in ugliness.
Out of shame, take me to yourselves shamelessly;
and out of shamelessness and shame,
upbraid my members in yourselves.
And come forward to me, you who know me
and you who know my members,
and establish the great ones among the small first creatures.
Come forward to childhood,
and do not despise it because it is small and it is little.
And do not turn away greatnesses in some parts from the smallnesses,
for the smallnesses are known from the greatnesses.
Why do you curse me and honor me?
You have wounded and you have had mercy.
Do not separate me from the first ones whom you have known.
And do not cast anyone out nor turn anyone away
[...] turn you away and [... know] him not.
[...].
What is mine [...].
I know the first ones and those after them know me.
But I am the mind of [...] and the rest of [...].
I am the knowledge of my inquiry,
and the finding of those who seek after me,
and the command of those who ask of me,
and the power of the powers in my knowledge
of the angels, who have been sent at my word,
and of gods in their seasons by my counsel,
and of spirits of every man who exists with me,
and of women who dwell within me.
I am the one who is honored, and who is praised,
and who is despised scornfully.
I am peace,
and war has come because of me.
And I am an alien and a citizen.
I am the substance and the one who has no substance.
Those who are without association with me are ignorant of me,
and those who are in my substance are the ones who know me.
Those who are close to me have been ignorant of me,
and those who are far away from me are the ones who have known me.
On the day when I am close to you, you are far away from me,
and on the day when I am far away from you, I am close to you.
[I am ...] within.
[I am ...] of the natures.
I am [...] of the creation of the spirits.
[...] request of the souls.
I am control and the uncontrollable.
I am the union and the dissolution.
I am the abiding and I am the dissolution.
I am the one below,
and they come up to me.
I am the judgment and the acquittal.
I, I am sinless,
and the root of sin derives from me.
I am lust in (outward) appearance,
and interior self-control exists within me.
I am the hearing which is attainable to everyone
and the speech which cannot be grasped.
I am a mute who does not speak,
and great is my multitude of words.
Hear me in gentleness, and learn of me in roughness.
I am she who cries out,
and I am cast forth upon the face of the earth.
I prepare the bread and my mind within.
I am the knowledge of my name.
I am the one who cries out,
and I listen.
I appear and [...] walk in [...] seal of my [...].
I am [...] the defense [...].
I am the one who is called Truth
and iniquity [...].
You honor me [...] and you whisper against me.
You who are vanquished, judge them (who vanquish you)
before they give judgment against you,
because the judge and partiality exist in you.
If you are condemned by this one, who will acquit you?
Or, if you are acquitted by him, who will be able to detain you?
For what is inside of you is what is outside of you,
and the one who fashions you on the outside
is the one who shaped the inside of you.
And what you see outside of you, you see inside of you;
it is visible and it is your garment.
Hear me, you hearers
and learn of my words, you who know me.
I am the hearing that is attainable to everything;
I am the speech that cannot be grasped.
I am the name of the sound
and the sound of the name.
I am the sign of the letter
and the designation of the division.
And I [...].
(3 lines missing)
[...] light [...].
[...] hearers [...] to you
[...] the great power.
And [...] will not move the name.
[...] to the one who created me.
And I will speak his name.
Look then at his words
and all the writings which have been completed.
Give heed then, you hearers
and you also, the angels and those who have been sent,
and you spirits who have arisen from the dead.
For I am the one who alone exists,
and I have no one who will judge me.
For many are the pleasant forms which exist in numerous sins,
and incontinencies,
and disgraceful passions,
and fleeting pleasures,
which (men) embrace until they become sober
and go up to their resting place.
And they will find me there,
and they will live,
and they will not die again.

James M. Robinson, ed., The Nag Hammadi Library, revised edition. HarperCollins, San Francisco, 1990.

RED!





COME TO DADDY!







https://etcsl.orinst.ox.ac.uk/section4/tr4051.htm

"My vaccine is working"


?


Hobbit

“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.

If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

To say I am an atheist or existentialist or agnostic or believer would be incorrect.

But I have been in dialogue with myself and I cannot deny the invisible hand at work.

To think the universe is a dead slot machine is such a delusion.

I will not deny the word in my mouth.

My physical body is suffering now and weakening.

My true body is strengthening.

One must ultimately save themselves.

As one can surely destroy themselves for nothing.

I choose to live fully embodied.

Thanks U, ha!

I liked that Sumerian text.

I hope my smell has reached the heavens, as it has risen from the depths.

You are tuned in U.

I was just reading the hidden apocryphal texts.

That’s a very strong synchronicity.

But not with my sense eyes  if you know what I mean.



The Discourse on the Eighth and Ninth - http://gnosis.org/naghamm/discorse.html

hobbit wrote:"My vaccine is working"


?


Hobbit

I was meaning maybe the vaccine I took was killing me

Joking.

Here ya go U...

http://gnosis.org/naghamm/zostr.html

Been meditating on this one a bit last week.

Smelly El Chivo wrote:

hobbit wrote:"My vaccine is working"


?


Hobbit

I was meaning maybe the vaccine  I took was killing me

Joking.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-57267169

It depends upon what the injection contents are designed to do.

hobbit