I will bark my reply back to you because you asked, humoring me or not, I don’t care
I do not know where I am but here.
I do not know what anything is but what is.
I have no names for what this is.
It isn’t in any book I ever read.
The direct experience and non-experience of what is like nothing really I expected.
I don’t know what happened.
I just kept it up, kept up my folly.
I was just pulled back into the sky that never changes, but I am also here in the world of illusions and change.
Do I feel relaxed, more so than ever, does that mean I totally cracked up?
Perhaps.
I know I have every guru beat.
I know I can parry any attack.
I know I never need to read another book.
It’s not because I found answers, I gave up the questions.
That’s freedom for me.
I like freedom better than anxiety.
I did intellectually think I didn’t understand anything before the sky took me.
I fell backwards by no effort of my own, because I let it all go.
I can only offer my opinion to someone to let it all go.
I know I can die any moment, but only my ego sense will cease to be.
I am open accepting awareness of what I perceive and I won’t go any farther, because I’d be lying.
I still have visions and have been very creative, but they don’t mean anything.
What appears here is the meaning.
I don’t know what this is.
I don’t care.
It’s enough.
I’m breathing.
That’s enough
But it’s all apparently made from the same stuff and it’s only apparently here.
Buddha is not here, I am.
I don’t have any thoughts about it or him.
There were some fine Human Beings who I appreciate tried to leave something for ones like me.
I see that they dropped flowers that I can smell.
Really, I’m very grateful.
But they all say, go boy, fly, don’t stop, don’t look back.
Just go straight on.
None of the old ones are here, I am.
I feel I honor them, by remembering them.
I have emptied my mind of all their books and words and physics and metaphysics.
I’m useless I guess.
That feels ok to me.
I just want to melt into the background.
Since no one reads OMF, I’m almost there maybe
I seem to laugh a lot more, not the nervous fake laugh, those belly rolling non-stop ones.
Bahahahahahahaha
That’s nice.
But I also seem to not be emotionally bubbling like I used to be.
It’s worth going all the way for this for me, unto death.
I don’t know how much more empty or naked I can be before death.
I can go my own way which is no way.
There’s no path or road.
There is no destination, but the journey.
I have no future or past.
Fuck **gulp** I’m dead.
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