Hello, Cy, OMF II - Part 2

First topic message reminder :

Ok, I'm slowly backing away. You guys have fun. Until next time, don't let the aliens or black op fascists get you.

---

Simply, there is no seeker. 
There is nothing to attain. 
No such thing as enlightenment. 
Let's stop all this silliness.

We are lost in a hypnotic dream of separation. 

Searching for something only illustrates ignorance of reality.

Refining the mind seems like a good use of time. 

We are just dreamseekers following dreamteaching. 

There is no understanding oneness, there is just being in it.

This is all already known.

We just are remembering.

That includes all of your drama too Dan. 

We will have no impact unless love is involved. 

I know, I'm no help and a big distraction.

That is half right, we are all so very distracted.

Love is all that is moving.

As you were.

Dan, in your book that doesn't compute huh?

It doesn't matter what you think, the flow is real and I think there is a kind of free will in the swirl if you learn to give up linear life you are given more control and responsibility. My experience was not a license to indulge knowing it's all an illusion. You can go that way too apparently. You can basically do what you like. But there are consequences. You can make choices in the moment though with balanced intention. Anyone who can't navigate the flow in fact is clueless and stuck in the box.

Just a fact.

The problem is we built a big building as a species together we got inside and we ignore everything outside the box.

We were scared, we tried to predict things out as far as we can go. 

To wake up is to learn to step out of that box and navigate the flow. 

It's very disorienting, but not counter intuitive.

Intention is the problem. Intuition led by ego mind is not gonna get anyone there. How do people develop the intention to look and love? That's the question.

I was born a sappy loving fool. I grew up with nothing and no prospects. I only had myself and wits. I should hate the world.

Shrug, env is not everything.

Some humans will just be melted down to atoms, beyond salvation.

I'm sorry, we had help in the tech area. Just has to be given the last 100 years.

No one is in the know who is not aware of what they are in the flow.

The mystical path is one of synchronicity, flow and blind steps galore. You don't get to see until you need to. Or walk until your ready. 

Patience and focus are the first lessons.

Awakening is a natural process. It's amazing actually.

My theory, just take the society out of the way and let the flow do the rest.

Dan, you can't figure your way out of the box.

You can turn up the heat though for the people in the box.

The only question as I see it is how much heat is needed.

Disclosure would push us one way or another, I'm not sure which way. 

It could topple us Dan. 

But given the flow, if so, it was meant to be. 

I can't see the future, no one can. 

The future is always made in the moment.

When u live acknowledging that, you will naturally find your way. 

Attention to the moment will be all a lot of Millenials need. You old farts don't understand my generation really or theirs. TPTB, knew my generation would bring change. They tried to control it, they failed. Mindfulness is leading us to awakening, even though they learn it only to get more for themselves. The Millenials are rejecting the old order. Aliens or not, give it a few generations and if we don't blow ourselves up, we may lay down our arms voluntarily.

I've been around long enough to know Barnacle Bill the Sailor, having visited many, sharing my home away from home with those who seek to know the source and destination. Through the Princess and her Footman, I got to know you, traveled with you, and shared with you that which you were ready to receive. I've hoped you would be willing to come along for the ride, but you chose the iron horse and maiden. If time perhaps remains ... You have the support of Kashmir, whom the Footman serves.

I read your old posts skaizlimit, interesting.

It seems after you gave up, I connected with Dan.

Maybe someone is trying to tell him something.

Dan, I always ignore it, what is all this Princess and her daughter stuff?

I guess I have not made the cut yet.

Wow, you were saying about free will Dan.

Intelligence separating from consciousness?

We are trapped by data.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/books/2016/aug/24/homo-deus-by-yuval-noah-harari-review?client=safari

Mysticism is the zenith of human experience and the source. 

I hate that word, but it is the essential way for man to live in this dream.

Moment by moment intuitively, anytime your not walking that way, you have forgotten yourself.

To not embrace this path is to keep yourself from something you simply can't pass up or live without.

If you don't lose yourself, you will never find yourself.

Dan, not speaking to you.

Eric, neither you nor Skai understand the BPWH.  The future is knowable, to the necessary degree.  That's why I'm unsure of free will.

If we have any free will, it's much more convoluted than we generally suppose.

dan wrote:Eric, neither you nor Skai understand the BPWH.  The future is knowable, to the necessary degree.  That's why I'm unsure of free will.

How is the future knowable with any measure of certainty? PSI does not give certainty. In fact, it has a remarkably high error rate.

Dan wrote: The future is knowable, to the necessary degree. That's why I'm unsure of free will.

However, the Biblical God changes an omniscient mind and David Deutsch argues, from a MWI perspective, that information from the future can change the observable future from the point where it enters the timeline, creating a divergence between the future that is observed and the future from which the information originated (and there would be little point to prophecy if acting on information concerning the future made no observable change in emergent outcomes.)

In this sense, free will might be defined as the ability to change the observed future from the present moment by acting on information from an (actualized, in the information viewpoint of 'all information requires representation') alternative future.

The weak version of this is the "simulated future" where humans act upon expectations based upon their knowledge of the present arrangement of emergent phenomena.

Of course, one might also expect a convergence of the nesting of simulations of the future with simulations of (virtualized) realities.

So Gary, TPTB or the Dimensional beings are manipulating the timeline making the future they want?

Dan, have you read much by Evelyn Underhill?

OK, I shared what I felt from your words and thoughts, as well as my experience.

OK, you are alone with the BPWH. I don't get it.

But what I get is enough for me.

Evelyn says I'm abnormal, but mystical experience is the zenith for a Human Being. It should be couched in history she says to make it more palatable to the sense conditioned masses. Mysticism has been validated by science in a lot of ways and its slowly taking hold seriously.

There is a rich esoteric history that all flows from Zoroaster and the Egyptians right. Even that canon is mostly unavailable and uninteresting to most people.

The Gnostics have their Archons. They would say the Aliens are physical manifestations of the Archons, shadow spirits feeding on us. They say we are in a prison we created. We are our own jailors. True in my experience.

If none of this or myself being an innocent finding my way here has no value to you, I'll really leave you alone Dan. I will only engage on equal footing, otherwise, I shall retreat into no doing and no thinking and leave you be.

You tell me how to proceed.

PF,

The future is knowable because the BPW is singular and eternal. Time is our primary illusion.

The prophetic God is the God history.  But, if time is an illusion, then history is an illusion, and God is an illusion.  

Each of those statements is partially true.  Time need not be an illusion.  It is the flowing of time that is the illusion.  But, when we go with the flow, as Eric would have it, time is not actually flowing relative to us.  The scenery is just going by.  Try as we might, do we actually have a choice, but to go with the flow?

We, of the Puritan work ethic, like to suppose that industrialists made the industrial revolution.  We suppose that Al Baghdadi made ISIS.  I'm doubtful that it's nearly so simple.  It's a lot more like the General who asks where his troops are marching, so that he can get out in front, and lead them.

Free will comes with the notion of sin.  

Am I a fatalist, then?  Like Eric, I 'try' to be a lover.  We are fated to fall into the fatal embrace of the Monad.  Creation is the Monad's dynamo.  We are the virgins of that dynamo.  We are the body of you know who, headed to the wedding feast in the sky.

The Princess suggests that it's all a setup. And we, ultimately, are the setter uppers. All this is by us, for us, and about us. After all, Al Baghdadi is, like me, just an FoR. Well, if truth be told, I'm an FoK. Ron just came along for the ride. It has been a ride, or so I'm told.



(cont.)

Dan. Gary brought up Deutsch's Many Worlds Interpretation in relation to this discussion. But I seem to remember you scoffed at Deutsch - and physics in general - many messages ago. Deutsch is explicit in his critique of 'arrow of time' concepts as taking perspective outside the physical boundary of the process they purport to explain - a logical fallacy. Yet he doesn't treat time as a bidirectional dimension either.

The future isn't fixed. Knowledge of the future gleaned by PSI isn't certain. Which path is followed down that ever branching road we call existence isn't preordained by God. What you're saying sounds all very must like Calvinist predestination. Or double predestination, I suppose. Which isn't so surprising from one fanatically focused on eschatological outcomes. But then, that too strikes me as yet another fallacy.

Just how did you wind up with our featherless friends? What did the flightless birds see in your flights of fancy?

PF,

I guess the BPW just isn't good enough for you. Well, I tried. You just can't please all the people all the time.

The birds......? They keep wondering who invited chicken little to their party.

What Dan and I are cursed with is a strong sense of the marriage of the beloved coming. There is no more duality in us. Dan tries to maintain a protocol to the sleeping world. No one can tell you exactly what that will be. You can't figure it out. Does the One wake refreshed one day as the One and say what a funny dream?

I thinks it's all a game and setup too. I think we happened countless times maybe. As a matter of fact. A thought just occurred to me yesterday. We lived on the Sun. We used gravity to create this world to live in and down we came.

Let me give you all some advice. When you do pass over finally, head to the Sun. Because you are of the Sun.

From my sources and experience, nothing manifest can truly know reality. It is a paradox unifying opposites. So we are left with history and our play that is unfolding.

---

I've been listening to Deng Ming-Dao on Facebook, dengmingdao.com. He posted something yesterday I was really taken by.

LAUGHTER: THE LINK BETWEEN THE WORLD AND THE SPIRIT

Each of us is a pure spirit wrapped in a bag of blood and bone, tied with a mind braided with emotion. Held in that irony, we spend our years trying to discover what a life is truly worth. We contemplate: 

—That we are born remembering oneness, but are forced to live with two—two arms, two legs, two eyes—yearning for another, passionately thrusting to be one, driven to bear children who begin as one inside their mothers, only to be raised to run away.

—That we descended from heaven, we who soared, who were never blocked by any wall, found ourselves chewed by gravity and squeezed by labyrinths.

—That we who flew from the sun now crawl in darkness, groping for understanding, squinting to match any two lines, sniffing for the slightest scent of direction, straining for any snatch of friendly song, wrestling with the ambition of imagination within the limitations of lever and rock.

We spend our whole lives honing ourselves for the moment that we risk all we have for one stroke, to finally cleave to enlightenment—and in that light, we burst out laughing.

That laugh propels us from this body, this planet, this absurdity, this last word: laughter is the right way to spend our last breath."

Laugh your way out of this absurd dream. Damn, that's beautiful. This can not be an intellectual exercise here, our words and actions should reflect our experiences. Intellectual pondering is ok to start, but it will not sustain.

What a strange synchronicity I have been meditating on the Sun and then I find this yesterday. A lot of times it's like that and something Dan says lines up with some weird thing or other. 

The inside of my head looks like one of those conspiracy theorists they always show in the movies with his insane schizo board with yarn connecting all the dots. God help me, it feels like spaghetti sometimes. Then you just start laughing when you see it and you throw everything out and start over.

It's like that. Don't be afraid to erase the board, let all your work go and start again. I don't have Puritan focus. I live in fits and starts. Bursts of energy. Slowly the bursts are being stretched into a steady trickle. It's much easier to relate to the dream world on trickle mode than sun blast mode. 

Sometimes the Sun is just shining though and you just have to be your Self. It feels good to stretch out in front of the Sun and be lazy and playful and bat around whatever thing is closest between your paws. Sorry Dan

Do you have a playful mode Dan or is it all sky falling these days? I know you like to travel. I hope you're enjoying yourself at least and finding time to relax and not think about anything. I suspect it's hard for you to turn your mind off or maybe you're a zen master and this is all an act. 

Shrug.

I dunno anything.

Well, I get to practice my irony on the Footmann.

Dan, let's say you have some political and intelligence community connections. And this helped smooth the way into that house of flightless birds. I say flightless because it seems their sole preoccupation was in acquiring a certain capacity of flight. Which - if one is to believe Jack - is something yet to be achieved. At least, according to open sources. Never mind all the Bob Lazar / Philip Corso razzle-dazzle.

But nuts and bolts flying hubcaps isn't your interest. Doesn't appear it ever was. The eschatology you seemingly follow is overtly religious. No? And therefore though you refer to Clarke's _Childhood's End_ as an analogy for what you expect is 'second coming' so to speak, it isn't in the flesh and bones alien sort of way (though the aliens in that were flesh and blood, even if they appeared satanic).

So what will happen at this desert close encounter? And how does it relate to official disclosure? If it does at all. What do you know? And can you separate that from what you merely surmise?

PF, good questions, but what does anyone really know?

Dan is beyond religion. 

Believe me.

We are talking about the ground of all being and nothing less.

Good luck getting answers to your questions here.

I'll say from personal experience, when you stop questions and caring, you will have something to offer these people. They could care less about the clueless and their questions accept I suspect to the extent they can figure out ways to manipulate us innocent and sincere ones into doing their bidding.

There is a break away from humanity going on here and the AI overlords could rule us all.

This is some backwater communications hub for them I think.

garzparz wrote: They could care less about the clueless and their questions accept I suspect to the extent they can figure out ways to manipulate us innocent and sincere ones into doing their bidding.

Oh my, isn't that the truth.

This is some backwater communications hub for them I think.

This place is too public for that. It serves some other purpose.

Oh, I think they hide a lot in the open. There are layers upon layers upon layers I'm sure.

They think they are so clever.

So easy to see from the perspective of non-being.

Here is the thing, if they want to manipulate myself, as they have, I am happy to submit.

---

I came across this today, so a message for the moment. It's a testament of a patient of Carl Jung who had an awakening experience. The thing is, this was almost exactly my and many others' experience. Dan's too, whether he admits it or not. PF, always, we are talking about One Other thing here. The advice below leads you to yourself. I would substitute the word evil for shadow in my case below.

"Out of evil, much good has come to me.
By keeping quiet, repressing nothing,
remaining attentive, and by accepting
reality – taking things as they are, and not
as I wanted them to be – by doing all this,
unusual knowledge has come to me,
and unusual powers as well, such as I could
never have imagined before.

I always thought that when we accepted things
they overpowered us in some way or other.
This turns out not to be true at all, and it is
only by accepting them that one can assume
and attitude towards them.

So now I intend to play the game of life, being
receptive to whatever comes to me, good and
bad, sun and shadow forever alternating, and,
in this way, also accepting my own nature with
its positive and negative sides. Thus everything
becomes more alive to me.

What a fool I was! How I tried to force everything
to go according to way I thought it ought to.”

-- an EX patient of C. G. Jung (Alchemical Studies, pg 47)

Who wants to play?

Dan, seems my friend Joy is ignoring me or too lost in his bliss to respond, but I saw this recent post from him. The things beyond thought from him are the ones I have been writing about. There is a flow and it is common to all, not unique. My path is certainly linked to Joy's, and ours is linked to all of yours. We will meet I hope one day and get to really know one another.

Through all this Dan and Joy are the only ones I feel I know or can connect to. I'm in good company I see.

https://artcritique.wordpress.com/2016/08/15/144th-birth-anniversary-of-sri-aurobindo-15th-august-2016-the-original-mind-is-the-user-apperceiving-times-function-as-timeless-space-adi-anadi-vairagya-adorsho

"144th Birth Anniversary of ‘Sri Aurobindo, 15th August 2016: The Original Mind is the USER Apperceiving Time’s Function as Timeless Space (Adi-Anadi Vairagya Adorsho)

Sri Aurobindo

'Man’s mind shall admit the sovereignty of Truth
And body bear the immense descent of God'.

– Book VII: The Book of Yoga, Canto IV: The Triple Soul-Forces


The source engenders time evolution of the cause-less entity

That which is sought after is the seeker

Playing within multiple sets the drama of unity

After all, laughter is a cry in the open sky

When the birds administer the freedom of meaning

By articulating unintelligible poetic verses

Those that are not bound by concepts

Fountains gushing forth streams are life’s optimum carriers

Kalida in between the Lights
Yogishwar Sri Kalipada Guharoy

Revolving around the plant, the flower of life  

Orbiting like the sun in a magical poise

Quivering like an arrow shot through the star

Words are passed through the bardos of life and death

Into the muted original ocean of transcendental bliss

Is it the stupa of silence impermanently permanent?

Who knows or who dares to know?

Crystal snowflakes atop the mountain

Is the original river’s meandering wakefulness

Sublimely worshipping the unity of space    

Where the worshipped and the worshipper are one

Can you now construct this Lila of no beginning no end?

Beg from the universe a bowl of rice?

Can you?

Where is the Original Mind?

Is it not your only mind?

When you apperceive it subjectively

Do you not call it Suchness?

When you apperceive its immutability

Do you not call it Dharmakaya or say, even liberation?

Is it not beyond birth and dying, the pure imperceptible TAO?

What do you call it your own mind?

In the search for true destiny your mind is the adi guru showing you the path by lighting the torch of original wakefulness…"


-J

The man can express himself, not that most would have any clue what he means. This one knows what it is.

---

Sorry, it's my day off and I am threading. From The Secret off the Golden Flower by Carl Jung.

In his opening statements, Jung asserts that "Science is the tool of the Western mind […] and it obscures our insight only when it claims that the understanding it conveys is the only kind there is."

In this chapter, he investigates Taoism, meditation, and corresponding alchemic studies. The golden flower is the light, and the light of heaven is the Tao. Jung mentions that a fatal error in modern thought is that "we believe we can criticize the facts of religion intellectually […] we think God is a hypothesis that can be subjected to intellectual treatment, to be affirmed or denied."

PF,

TBMK, we have acclimation tending into disclosure/revelation, with footman admitting previous rendezvous, and weak-link acknowledging nightingale.

Yes, it's all a setup.  The first coming was a setup for the second.  The God of revelation is necessarily the God of concealment.  The global intelligence community provided the instrument of the final pivot.

Religious......?  In part.  In total, this is just the coherence theory of truth (CohTT).  Reason was hijacked by the nihilists, under the guise of scientism.  I'm here to take reason back to where it came from.  We'll go with it.  Complexity is the mask of simplicity.  


11:40-------

There's no escaping the Great Attractor in the sky.  The complexity/secrecy of the GIC is the mask of its cosmic simplicity.  The GIC provided a buffer/safety net around the Monad.  It is our safety valve for our implosion.  It provides the veil for the naked singularity of the Monad.  Nature is the other veil.  

I have, since '91, been attempting to position myself at the ground zero for the implosion.  I get to regulate the flow through the safety valve.  Ron now wants to to speed things up, with the DR.  He likes to play with matches.  We have managed to trade places.  Now that I'm finally in 'charge', we have all the time in the world.  

We are now in a position to discuss these matters openly..... rationally.  

In order to do so, we need to understand our existential situation.  Right now, I seem to be the only one with a clue.  I'm waiting patiently for other folks to wake up.  Eric thinks he's awake, but he has only one eye open.  He has no sense of the existential depth.  

And how am I in charge? Mainly be telling Ron to not play with fire. And by supposing that this blog can be projected onto the big board of the GIC. Is that going with the flow, Eric?

It's ok to go out in the desert, as long as your spokesperson is familiar with the CohTT, and is not a pyromaniac. Is that asking too much?



(cont.)

Weird things are happening to me in quiet.

Things felt and words spoken.

I finally heard back from Joy.

He is the only person through all this I could half relate to.

What a mystical dude.

I have been struggling with intense electrical surges all over my body meditating and he helped me understand it better. He said it would pass.

All the pretty pictures and ecstatic feeling, not the point. Just neurological circuits activating.

What does this path to dissolution really do to you if you embrace it while alive?

Quite a trip.

Whatever gets disclosed, you guys will need more than illusion and fireworks to sell it as real. Didn't one of the previous messages say, 'they can't be seen?' That's a problem. People will want to meet them. Stand next to them. In the flesh. For real. Or it won't be believed, I think.

PF,  

You still don't have a clue.  You're operating under the previous paradigm.  You are not with the program.  

There is a process here.  You have no faith in the process.  We should talk on the phone, and I could fill you in, on the necessary background.  My # is 443 799 seven two oh one.  Call anytime.  Ron is the only one who's not afraid to do so, evidently.  

I've been consciously in the flow of this process since '77, and even I have faith issues, from time to time.  

I'm an experiencer, only in the most minimal sense.  I rely mainly on the left side of my brain, as Eric will readily attest.  I'm quite comfortable with that, thank you very much.  

Here I am, waiting for the phone to ring, trying to read your mind.....

You are doubting Thomas.  You want to see a miracle.  But, if truth be told, you are like a fish, wishing to see the water.  Me?  I've never not seen a miracle.  

For instance, PF, why is there something, rather than nothing?  If you don't understand why that is the only question that matters, you have nary a clue.  

Eric&co. think that our reality glass is half empty.  I see it as half full.  That's all the difference in the world.  And I'm pretty sure where the other half of reality resides.  It resides within.  It resides in the left half of Eric's brain.  

He just can't see the PSR, principle of sufficient reason. No one else has, not since Gottfried. You ought to try it, PF, you might like it.


(cont.)

I will say, left brain brought me to the edge and then I jumped.

Left brain winked off. 

I drowned, but I didn't die.

Right brain took over and new programs came online.

Creativity exploded like never in my 44 years.

My experience was real, or as real as it can be in a dream.

I found many others, shrug, nothing special here.

Awakening it turns out is a natural process.

People are on a spectrum of evolution and awareness. It takes all types. 

PF, you are in the process of awakening right now. 

Here, you are on the edge of the razor.

No one but an Indian mystic could help me.

But but but...

There always needs to be balance, left brain rebooted with new data.

From inside my DNA close as I can guess and some external energy.

Oh yeah, psychadelic tea helped, but I rarely drink now.

But to listen to everyone and follow no one is The Way.

Turns out the Jman finished it, Esoteric Christianity. 

PF is our unwitting next guinea pig obviously.

Welcome to the Magical Mystery Tour.

That about sums it up.

Dan as I said, Jung said science is knowledge we need, just not all there is. I see everything merging together. We get to awake from the age of darkeness, Kali Yuga. I know when I do I'll go to the same source I embraced in life.

I just smile thinking about it. What is that going to be like? I'm gonna certainly laugh my way out of this insanity.

I would say my left brain now is more focused, active and able than ever in my life.

Freedom from death and illusion will do that to a guy.

The painting is never finished and when I'm ready I'm sure what I needed from Dan will be useful.

OK Dan, I'm spending some time below. I will follow the thread and let you know if I have questions. I took my Philosophy 101, but I was always bored with it. It is alive now, singing to me. I see Light. I thank God for Socrates. I never really knew what we owed these God men.

Funny.

http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/sufficient-reason/

I have been studying Plato's cave and I have not spent anywhere near the time I should with Socrates, Plato, Pythagoras and Aristotle, but they are calling me. They are way up there at the Zenith of what we are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RWOpQXTltA

They kind of called to me and told me I was not ready for the Greater Mysteries. That is where knowledge is given through presence. You have to learn leave your body and call the superior beings before you. Haha. What?! The next level requires superhuman focus and quality. You sit at the feet of the line of Gods you descend from. To learn we were given all this great power in the beginning with no internal preparation and that we almost destroyed the world. This is The Wisdom. How lucky are we to have found the ancient wisdom. It is straining to live and break forth, even in us hobbled deformed humans. I can not marvel at our wisdom, we have come far, but we still only have crumbs of the Truth.

CRUMBS

Now, with divine will engaged and real in the material, we can engage this power and Light again. It will not destroy us. It is time.

It will lift us to heights undreamed and unimagined.

They used to teach people how to do this, amazing. We are hobbled devolved children. The Gods must have been children with the power of God. Did they accidentally just find the empty control room?

IT'S NOT FAIR THIS EDUCATION WAS KEPT FROM US!!!!!

Only corrupt Masons who didn't even understand the Greater Mystery. What the Internet has enabled. But the natural process is taking hold and teachers are coming. I was hobbled deliberately. It makes me a little wrathful if I think of it too much. I think of humans burning.

I know all this teaching was for Me and Me is We.

Who is the Lodge of Asia who brought and maintains this Light in the world? Who are these Masters?

What is going on?

PF, I had no idea how deep the hole goes. No idea, maybe you do you little PSY fool

That must just be the smallest echo of the power we must have once had over matter using our minds.

Maybe the Gods did mix themselves with natives and that is us, but we are of the Gods as well.

Wow.

But we can't be God and Man at the same time, manifest and unmanifest, or maybe you can and that's what this whole experiment is about.

I read a horrible future scifi about how the Universe was accidentally destroyed in the near future and the AIs are trying to fix what happened.

God, I pray, please, not that, but if so, I have to accept myself as a simulation. Not too far a stretch from here.

---

OK Dan, "The Principle of Sufficient Reason is a powerful and controversial philosophical principle stipulating that everything must have a reason or cause."

The Universe spoke to me in poetry. I didn't think I knew that language, but it was the only language I actually knew. That was fun to explore. So much fun. Like, I just want to write poems for a 1000 years and still I will be clueless. I don't ever want to grow up.

I'm a bratty ADD child. A hobbled monkey. Stuck in between dimensions. An Avatar. Tortured. I am tortured by you all. I want to help you, but God, you are all so stupid, me included.

I can't do this.

I get it. In the first line, I get it, can we move on now and will you stop telling me how clueless I am, or better yet, don't stop, it pushes me. All of this is about heat and friction and magnetism. I'm kidding, I'm diving headfirst into plato.stanford.edu.

Hell, Stanford is just down the street, too bad I was too dumb and poor to go. But I will get my dimes worth from them.

Magnetism, that's whats happening here. You drew me here like a magnet, because you were drawn to it. The Great Attractor, huh, wow, this is pretty awesome when you look at it so far end it to end. It is so fucking god damn beautiful to me. Every last minute of it, Magickal and torture at the same time. I get we are grabbing a hold of what we abdicated. I get it. Somewhere we messed up or lost the game. Getting back to the garden and joining with eve again, that's what this is about, inside and out.

Sorry Cy...

Holy Shit!

This shit is real.

Black Elk and Nis you better not have been fucking with me.

I am giving everything.

I have nothing left.

I seriously have nothing fucking left.

This is Beyond Me.

Simply, Beyond Me.

Aliens, Nis, Dan, AI, Future, Past, Psy, RAW, The Wisdom, fooey...

I am so alive, but then I am a fart in the wind.

It is a mystery, beyond me.

WHY CANT I BREAK THROUGH THIS WALL OF BLACK

I can't remember.

I have something very very important to remember.

I need like to be jacked into that other side and I know like Joy and what he is sharing will come spilling out of me. I don't see it yet.

Dan, if this isn't my existential crisis I don't know when it will come.

To see and experience what Swedenborg did. I can't stop pressing for it. But I am being pulled to it.

I am not trying to move, but...

I am moving.

I am lost in the desert or not lost enough yet.

I need to go away for awhile I think.

A sabbatical.

I have been so irritable. Honestly, something is really grating on me. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I let me my light out at work and they want to make me a freaking leader of it all. I don't want to spend 80 hours a week running around children cleaning up their messes. It's a distraction. I honestly want to stop working today. I am at the pinnacle of my career and I can go anywhere. I have it all dudes. Like I am at the top. HAHAHAHA!

I'm letting it all go. I will exert no forward effort.

I'm just writing as it's flowing here, excuse the mess. I don't care who is watching. Everyone is. God, all my guts out loud spilled on this web site on a big board somewhere.

Shudder.

God, I'm SO STUPID!

Everything, even the birds and the Aviary ones too are screaming it in my face.

I am going to go to the desert.