When one faces the abyss and deepest dark, something dramatic happens if you are an idealist or have been converted to this or that thought pattern.
All that is knocked away.
You go through a self induced counter-conversion.
All your ideas are false you some to see. Your ladder of selves is an illusion. This has a strange affect on the muppet mind.
You fall off the ladder into the darkness.
You see into the basic emptiness and meaninglessness of a divided life.
You lose your future.
It can swallow you up.
But if you avoid the trap of nihilism and you do have to try that shoe on too, you find something interesting at the loss of all hope.
Purpose!
Blazing razor shape purpose.
I have come to an optimistic view.
We see that is the childish mind grabs ahold of pessimism and nihilism: our lower, childish selves are linked to depression and anxiety, purposeful activity will always allow us to call on our higher selves and bring concentration, control and a sense of meaning into life.
Quality.
Gold.
One needs purposeful activity.
To see the truth about yourself and that your sense of you is just a mirage begins the initiation into a deeper purposeful life.
The underlying reality is ‘beast’.
This is the negative revelation to counter the higher one.
These are the lower rungs of the ladder and you have not begun to climb until you have found this ladder in the depths.
Only in the darkness can you come to know the light.
There is absolutely no other way but through your own and everyone else’s shit.
One has a vision that all people are angels.
Another sees that all muppets are swine.
A German serial killer once said he felt compelled to kill as many people as he could.
An American serial killer said to murder someone was doing them the greatest good, freeing them from the torture of living.
The negative revelation always reduces life to its lowest terms.
To the purely material aspect.
Which is hell.
I heard a Vietnam vet on YouTube yesterday from the crew who would cut off the enemies head and stick an ace of spades
card in the hole.
He said that each one of the 40 something he killed felt better than orgasm.
Probably cause you live on.
He said he wished everyday to go back to be able to kill like that.
He crossed the line he said and can never go back.
He loved killing.
I don’t want to hurt anyone myself, but I can.
I have never thought of killing anyone.
But I have wondered what it felt like to kill someone.
Dark thoughts?
How many men have imagined rape?
All of them.
We have a darkness in us.
But balance in all things is usually the best path.
The imagination does not dictate what we should do.
Many more have claimed total love.
Well I have been in the dark and been tormented by my fear of it.
One must respect it.
But then there is a feeling you don’t feel worthy of.
That you were not going to attain eternal life, but a consciousness you already posses it.
How does a mind in a body process such paradoxical feelings?
There are higher rungs of consciousness where you feel one with all faces.
So as we go higher on the ladder, we lose ourselves and this is why most don’t do it.
Who wants to really lose themselves as it is all we feel we know?
The me who looks
out of these eyes is not the only me.
One must be careful here.
Sounds a lot like wishful thinking.
More desire.
This is what it means when people say it felt more real than real I feel.
The pragmatic materialist says this is all the ghost in the machine.
The mind is not separate from the body.
But it does seem we have others selves.
Julian Jaynes in Breakdown of the Bicameral mind theorizes humans were not even conscious up to 1000 B.C.E.
That we had no inner life or awareness.
The first dawning of it seemed mystical to us.
So if we were not conscious, were we responsible?
What kind of cruel god would flood out beings that had no self awareness?
These myths were born maybe before our inner self emerged.
We were instinctive and emotional and able to communicate.
As we learned to write and keep records and tell stories, our inner awareness was born.
According to Jaynes man could not consult an inner voice or mind.
But what about the Native Americans cut off from western and eastern culture?
The men of the Iliad had no inner subjective mind.
Interesting to consider.
This leads to Owen Barfield’s original and final participation with consciousness.
We have been aware for so little time and then Jesus shows up and we have the last 2000 years and now what?
In fact before Jesus we had something really big come out of self consciousness in the East and west 500 B.C.E.
Those ancient heroes where the playthings of the gods.
They had no free will perhaps.
The gods had to often intervene on behalf of us dumb animals.
They were told what to do and they did it.
They had auditory hallucinations.
They were not aware yet of their own will.
Perhaps all individual will is an echo of that original one and the more we have cultivated it through culture the quieter those voices became until we only feel them.
I have heard this voice, louder and louder.
But I have not lost my will.
It stands with the voice.
It bows to the voice.
It listens to the voice.
It I, the same thing.
There were competing voices earlier in my life, but now, there is a clear voice I have come to know.
Not emotional.
Jaynes also experienced this voice and it led him to write his book.
A materialist fears this.
They do not want to return, they want to progress.
But the true human transcends.
A human of material mind can only progress.
The right brain is irrational and can't speak.
You can see something and not remember or be aware of the seeing.
Seeing and feeling and being just happen on a certain level.
You feel your body heat from all the activity within it.
Unimaginable seeming complexity.
There is such a thing as a fake smile.
But I real smile, have you ever thought about what it is?
There are determined smiles.
There are joyful smiles.
There is a knowing not knowing smile.
A zero day hack to human consciousness.
The part you call you is the part than can speak, but that is not all of you.
There is another part.
Jaynes theorizes most of our human existence has been as unconscious beasts.
You reading this are not in control of yourself, you are only one aspect.
We participate in this as one and all together.
The non-verbal part of us projects itself into our minds as thought.
It is a raw part of us.
Deep and anxious and powerful.
It knows the body.
It knows nature in ways the thinking mind could not.
It was speech and writing that birthed our consciousness or gave it voice.
Right brain would say "Baby is hungry," left brain would think, "I am hungry."
At the end of Matrix Revolutions movie, the light is born out of the overwhelming darkness.
Our minds struggled and groped their way out of the mud and instinct.
I am not really me.
I cannot claim authority over myself, just awareness of this.
Myself is just the echo.
If I cannot claim authority over myself, I have none over any other thing.
I stand with a silent partner.
I reach down to take its hand and I caress its cheek and I know it as myself and it knows me as itself.
We rose and stand together.
This is peace.
Long rumored peace.
This is love to know the love for your silent self.
My silent self was here first.
It knows so much more than I.
The more I lose myself in ideas and concepts, the further I move from the prime mover.
Every channeled text is from this silent partner or they are delusions of an overblown thinking mind.
This is the source of my and Dan's battle.
I am one with my body and silent self.
Dan is in his eschatology game and concepts.
This is not reasonable or logical.
Nature is merciless and we must mercilessly refactor ourselves.
Peace is possible between people, as with ourselves, one must come before the other though.
The I must submit before it can embrace the silent knowing, our true wisdom.
The schemes of thought are all temporary.
The source of genius is from silence, intuition.
This right brain is not just our dumb cousin.
There is a deep dance going on here.
No one has solved it or cracked it.
And I feel more and more the silence knows best and does not seek my destruction.
Instead I have become the student of it, of my own mind.
I sit at its dark feet and beg for morsels from its rich bounty.
I eat the scraps as a dog.
This was what Diogenes realized as well.
What every true mountain hermit has learned.
We don't know shit and we need to get back to ourselves and listen.
Who here has no idea what they are doing?!
Welcome to the human race.
Beware the wolves who would use your confusion to hurt you for their own pleasure and gain.
They are the most empty material beings.
Love them anyway as you love yourself.
This is what Jesus meant.
Not love just the 'I' but the eye looking through your eyes.
Your thoughts and words of others, are only telling you half the story at best.
So when one insults you and tries to gain position over you, it is easy to deflect them and push them over, as they are only standing on one foot.
Here, we stand on both feet, united and formidable.
We call these experiences mystical and they are.
When I first drank Ayuasca, it was my silent self that met me.
It led me through the abyss, the part I could never know in thought and speech.
It also showed me the dark things in me we are also connected to.
It curated my journey through the underworld and spoke in symbols and fractals.
I felt its love for me and I came to know, as much as is possible, it and love it.
It is not just the keeper or dragon guarding the lower gate, it also guards the higher gate.
I have been fooled and fooled myself.
The source of the Tarot is this silent symbolic twin.
A prompt to stay close and remind you, you are not alone.
You have never or could be alone.
This knowledge was not acquired or read or taught to me.
It has come from within me.
I am the mystery and I am the way.
Language gets all backward trying to point to it, so pointlessness points directly to it.
Other egos just think you are fronting or lying.
But you know who and what you are.
A knowable enigma.
It is hard to accept you are not entirely in charge or the point of the story.
But I take great joy in this.
To have met it, is to know there is more to this than you see and think.
Thank god there is more than Trump and Disclosure and eschatology and assholes all running away from this.
I can't believe how fortunate I am really.
And since I have accepted this, my life has been peace and a fun roller coaster, but strange. Feeling and knowing this power in us is dizzying sometimes.
How do you climb a ladder or rope?
One hand over the over.
The ladder from the darkness, leads to a plateau where you can stay as long as you like.
But then a rope comes out of the sky.
I advise you take it.
And keep climbing.
Keep going.
And you may eventually come to smile like you mean it.
Have I spoken of or predicted a future?
I don't have one, nor the responsibility of creating one.
Have I called on a god?
Is this silence, the long fabled god?
I don't know.
I couldn't put it into words.
Is this the Holy Spirit?
Is there really any difference between I, my inner knowing or God?
Not that I can find.
You think you know, you don't.
I know you don't.
Will you continue to deceive yourself you are in control?
You aren't.
I couldn't lie anymore.
I knew I was an imposter.
And now one pretender, me, says to all the other pretenders, you, I know your game and I have you beat.
A finer mind may be able to go 18 more rounds with silence, but I couldn't.
It feels good to stretch out into being and silence.
It feels good to not have anxiety or self doubt.
What we doubted was our own control.
When we feel like imposters, that is because we are.
We are conditioned thinking animals.
Trapped by our own words and thoughts, where wetiko can ravage us.
The joy in life is right now.
Not tomorrow.
You are in it.
Don't miss it.
You become aware you have what you always thought you lacked, yet were mostly unaware you lacked.
Miraculous powers will come to you in this state of mind, not the point.
As you move up the ladder and rope, you will become aware of the great power you have.
And you do have immense power.
Your enemy will try to persuade you otherwise and self doubt will come, which is a fear of your power manifesting in your mind.
Do you want to read only about extraordinary people or realize you are one?
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